“So as a genius… Do you think you’ll ever do anything with it?”
His question had thrown me off guard. I take a minute to contemplate it as I look around my
friend Will’s room. It was identical to mine, as we both lived at COLAB, but decorated differently.
A lecture on Existentialism blares in the background on his computer, and I lock eyes with
Poppy for a split second, just 6 months old at the time. Her green eyes pierce into mine.
“I don’t think so. I think most of us just go on to live average lives. I mean look at me. I’m just a
stripper who dropped out of college. I’m not writing a book, I’m not solving for gravity.”
How little did I know how soon those words would no longer apply to me, and, how much they
would come back to haunt me. For it was true, I was a stripper, I had dropped out of college,
that’s why I lived at COLAB in the first place. I had dropped out of Metro State across the street,
but already signed the lease for apartment style student living. And it wasn’t the first time I had
dropped out either. But within the end of that month, November of 2021, I would be writing a
book, and I would be solving for gravity.
It was the most important thing I could think to do at the time; That’s why I answered with it to
begin with.
The last week of November 2021, was also my last week working at the climbing gym. I
remember as I chatted with my gym regular Derrick, he cited about how he did not trust my
newfound fascination with witchcraft, as he was a scientist. It was true, Derrick was a scientist,
he was going for his Doctorate at the Auschwitz medical campus in Aurora, and was also a
friend of mine. But my response was didactic and swift “Derrick! We don’t understand Gravity!
We don’t have the equation for it, we can’t manipulate it, and it’s what keeps us alive everyday!
Science doesn’t understand everything.”
Again, how little did I know how soon those words would no longer apply to me, and how much
they would come back to haunt me.
For in the coming week of my life, ending on Dec 1st 2021, I would have solved the
equation for gravity, I would be able to understand it, to manipulate it, and most
importantly, I would no longer be Just a Stripper.
I would be the world’s next greatest Scientist.
But, the truth is I could never have solved it, without being a Stripper.
Because being “Just a Stripper” is not the insult you think it is. Being a Stripper requires grit,
intelligence, resilience, and the willingness to do the impossible everyday and make it look easy.
This is a brutal industry, and thus, only the brutal survive.
And if you want to be the first woman to be known for her groundbreaking scientific
accomplishments, then you need to know how to survive. Because only a stripper, who
dropped out of college, would be the person smart enough to know exactly how to survive.
Because the rest of us haven't.
Ada Lovelace- Inventor of Computer Science
Lisa Meintz- Head Researcher of Nuclear Fission
Mitza Einstein- Theory of Relativity
Rosalind Franklin- Discovery of the Double Helix
Hedy Lamar- Inventor of Wireless Interlinking
Mochi- A Whole New Fucking Science
I am here to rewrite history.
Men have stolen, undermined, and copied, every last one of our scientific accomplishments in
the last century out from underneath us. Poorly, I might add.
And I vowed, I would do whatever it takes to keep my name on it. This is my math, and if I die
before publishing it with my name on it, then it dies with me. I am not so selfless that I would
allow the world the benefits of my scientific breakthroughs, without the recognition that I deserve
to receive along with it. I will not be an anonymous contributor to my own science. There
have been enough of those already.
And so, here I am. Mochi. I am here to make you swallow your pride, and force you to
recognize that being just a stripper was enough to make me the next Einstein.
Mitza Einstein that is.